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Oh No!! Hans Brix!! January 10, 2006, 6:18 pm

Posted by quintapalus in Iran.
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(BTW, the title is an allusion to Team America: World Police (done by the clever South Park guys) and constantly provides life imitating art material.)

Well, not that anyone should be surprised that Iran is thumbing their nose at the toothless UN and the IAEA, but they have removed the seals on their uranium enrichment facility. They are expected to resume the uranium enrichment process shortly, a key step in the production of nuclear weapons. Just to remind some folks that out of the many reasons cited in the congressional authority to go to war with Iraq, one of them was to enforce UN resolutions that were currently being disobeyed and ignored. After all, diplomacy is useless without the credible threat of force to back it up. It’s all very common sense stuff and is one the main reasons why the UN is such a laughable institution these days. They can issue proclamation after proclamation, but if the UN isn’t willing to do anything to actually enforce them, it shouldn’t come as a surprise when certain players tell the UN in their most eloquent, diplomatic speech to “eat a dick.”

I hate to compare international relations with rogue countries to child rearing, but if a kid keeps disobeying their parent that only threatens punishment, but never actually comes through with it, that kid is going to do whatever the hell he or she wants to do. It’s when you take off the belt and put it to their ass that your wishes as a parent are obeyed with respect and fear. Some parts of this article are just laughable.

If the regime in Iran continues on the current course and fails to abide by its international obligations there is no other choice but to refer the matter to the Security Council,” said White House press secretary Scott McClellan.

Oh no, not the Security Council!!!!!! That’s scary!!! (This part reminds me of a scene from “A Fistfull of Yen,” the movie within the movie of Kentucky Fried Movie. Mr. Craw’s threats of torture are taken in stride by one of the prisoners, but it isn’t until he commands that the prisoner be sent to Detroit that the prisoner freaks out and starts screaming “NOOOOO!!!!!” Funny stuff.)
Seriously, who cares; they aren’t going to do anything. In fact, although telling you this will reveal my true nature as a psychic, I can tell you exactly what will happen if it even gets that far. The US or the UK will propose some harsh sanctions to slap on Iran. Five seconds later, either the Chinese or the Russians will Veto it. It’s amazing how principled you can be against nuclear proliferation with huge defense and oil contracts involved. We are almost back to the old days when we were fighting proxy wars. In the last year alone, we sold a ton of bunker buster type bombs to Isreal. (Psst – it’s not for the Palestinians; they tend not to have hardened structures). Russia has been selling lots of SAM batteries to Iran. China is supplying a lot of SAM missiles. Gee, I wonder what all this is about. Sheesh.

More from the article:

The move drew an immediate outcry from Europe and Japan as well as Washington as the reopening of the Natanz facility was seen as defiance of demands that Iran maintain a freeze on its nuclear program.

Instead of drawing an immediate outcry, how about “The move drew an immediate salvo of cruise missiles from destroyers and submarines in the gulf, followed by round the clock aerial bombing from carrier based jets.” That sounds a lot better, don’t you think?
The worst part of all of this, is that the clock has been ticking for the entire past two years, and we still aren’t even close to being serious with them. Well, I’m done with this, but let’s close with the lines from Team America: World Police:

Kim Jong Il: Hans Brix? Oh no! Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans!
Hans Blix: Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, but your guards won’t let me enter certain areas.
Kim Jong Il: Hans, Hans, Hans! We’ve been frew this a dozen times. I don’t have any weapons of mass destwuction, OK Hans?
Hans Blix: Then let me look around, so I can ease the UN’s collective mind. I’m sorry, but the UN must be firm with you. Let me in, or else.
Kim Jong Il: Or else what?
Hans Blix: Or else we will be very angry with you… and we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.

You’re breakin’ my balls, Hans! You’re breakin’ my balls.

All I can say is look for an angry letter to written soon!!!!!!

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