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Extra! Extra! Screech Bottoms Out, Sells T-Shirts to Save Home! June 19, 2006, 8:38 pm

Posted by quintapalus in Celebrity Stupidity, Television.
6 comments

Screech, whom I have always considered the star of "Saved by the Bell" (I've said it before, I'll say it again: Zach was gay and Slater was his lover. All you need to see is the bootleg, never aired episode from the last season titled "I Wish I Could Quit You" where they both come out of the closet and annouce their relationship. It was found to be too edgy at the time (1993). Man, how have times changed) is apparently in dire straights and is selling t-shirts to pay for his home, currently in foreclosure. In a situation that must surely share the same riches to rags stories as MC Hammer and anyone who has been on "The Surreal Life," Screech hopes to raise $250,000.

From Foxnews.com:

MILWAUKEE — More than a bell is needed to save Dustin Diamond this time around. Diamond, best known as geeky Screech Powers on the 1989-1993 teen comedy series "Saved by the Bell," is selling T-shirts with his photo on them to try to raise $250,000 so he doesn't lose his gray two-story house under a foreclosure order.
"If the public didn't care, I as an entertainer wouldn't have been a success," he said.

Diamond, 29, is trying to sell nearly 30,000 shirts — at $15 or $20 (autographed) each — to supplement the income he makes as a standup comic so he doesn't have to move from his Port Washington home, about 25 miles north of Milwaukee.

The T-shirt has a photo of Diamond holding a sign that says, "Save My House." The back of the shirt reads, "I paid $15.00 to save Screeech's house." The third "e" was added to get around copyright laws, he said.

He's selling the shirts on his Web site: http://www.getdshirts.com.

The foreclosure order was filed last month in Ozaukee County Circuit Court, Ozaukee County Circuit Court.

Diamond appeared on Howard Stern's satellite radio show Tuesday to plead his case. "I'm doing great with my comedy, but this is definitely a low point," he said. "Real life comes in and affects you."

Diamond doesn't have a listed phone number, and e-mails to the address on his Web site and at an alternative address were not immediately returned Thursday.

Looks like the BushHitler's economy has claimed another victim where the rich get richer and the obscure, b-list celebrities have to live like the rest of us. For shame…

oh…and WE DIDN'T LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Cool” Facts About Jack Bauer… January 24, 2006, 3:31 pm

Posted by quintapalus in Humor, Television.
8 comments

(compiled from various lists floating around the internet)

jackbauer.jpg

1) If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
2) If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
3) Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
4) Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
5) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
6) Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
7) Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
8) Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
9) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
10) Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
11) Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
12) Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
13) When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
14) If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her? and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re fucked.
15) Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
16) When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
17) In grade school, a little boy punched Kimberly Bauer, and Kimberly ran home to tell her dad. That little boy’s name? Stephen Hawking.
18) Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.
19) No man has ever used the phrase, “Jack Bauer is a pussy? in a sentence and lived to tel-
20) In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
21) Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
22) As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!?
23) Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
24) If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.
25) If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.
26) Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
27) Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!? at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
28) Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he’s done it twice.
29) If you send someone to kill Jack Bauer, the only thing you accomplish is supplying him a fresh set of weapons to kill you with.
30) Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
31) If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
32) After arguing over what was the better show, 24 or Walker Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris went to attack Jack Bauer with his trademark roundhouse kick. Jack Bauer caught it.
33) There is no such thing as the theory of evolution, but only a list of animals Jack Bauer has allowed to live.
34) Jack Bauer is so awesome he can watch 60 minutes in 20 minutes.

On Being Retarded… November 22, 2005, 2:53 pm

Posted by quintapalus in Television.
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There are seldom things as sweet and both mind numbing at the same time as watching VH1’s remember the (insert decade here) series. You get to see how awful and spectacularly awful everything was, and yes, you also get to see some of the stuff that is slightly less than spectacularly awful. I’m not sure if I saw something about a movie where a normal actor (henceforth known as a “normie?) was playing a character who was retarded (henceforth known as a “tard?), but no matter, my conversation with my roommate quickly turned toward that topic and how much I can’t stand the concept. I mean, seriously, what is it with actors where they feel the need to play a character that is either a tard or semi-reformed child molester in order to obtain some sort of “validation? on their acting career. Acting retarded has got to be the easiest thing in the world to do. Trust me, I do it on average about 14 convincing hours a day. Besides, the benchmark in this category is very simple: if Juliette Lewis can do it, anyone can! That chick is the poster child for a self esteem renewal world tour. But seriously, how fricking hard is it to simply look around with big, blank, doey eyes and not move your tongue while you make the sounds that form words of the English language all the while keeping your wrists in a locked position. But enough about Senator Barbara Boxer. Awwwwwww SNAP!!

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